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Seeking Balance

Blogs: #10 of 31

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Seeking Balance

I find myself in a dilemma in regard to time. There simply does not seem to be enough of it when it comes to everything that I wish to accomplish and also at the same time maintain some balance in my life. Seems like something in my life always has to give, whether sleep or pleasure or something else that is seemingly optional and can be postponed to make room for some mandatory task with deadlines. Just like most people, who are not independently wealthy, there are the things that I have to do to maintain basic order and also to stay on top of bills and bookkeeping and everything else that it takes to keep a roof above my head and some level of sanity in regard to my day to day life. I would rather the dishes and most of the time cooking, which I used to enjoy, and cleaning and other mundane tasks would take care of themselves! But no. Can you tell I might be stressed out? I need my sleep and rest. I literally yearn for moments when I do not do anything at all but sit and breath and exist in the here and now. These moments in real life are rare and few. Most days I do not have any time to meditate, which I know would be a very good thing for me to do. I often live in a seeming overwhelm. The life of a self-employed artist and designer is full of challenges and long work hours, many with no predictable pay, and this is the life I have chosen to live. Most of the art I have produced recently is either drawing and/or digital mixed media and design. Just yesterday I ordered some stretched canvases. Yes, I am planning on making some more paintings on canvas in very near future! And somehow I will have to find a way to balance my life better. What this means in reality is currently a big question mark to me. I will have to do some soul searching to see what I can let go off to make room for what is most important to me. Life has been pulling me in so many directions lately and I know I will need to become more focused in order to find more balance. But there are just so many things I want to do and every year seems to go faster! There is a part of me that thinks I should just go with the flow and another part that thinks that I need to limit and prioritize my activities and involvements and set clear goals. Right now I am not sure which part to listen to since I find wisdom in both methods. There are times that going with the flow is the right thing to do. There are also times that having a plan and following through with the plan is very effective and satisfying. It is not easy feeling divided. So for now at least, I will choose to go with the flow as much as possible on this Saturday and see where it takes me. I know from past experience that rigidity in any form has never worked well for me. Sooner or later it only brings out my inner rebel!